Why Hello There, Beautiful!

{Once upon a time...}

NOT!

Ok. So to heck with the pretty, cutesy, cheesy stuff.

Now comes the truth.

When I was little, my bathroom at my old house had a vanity. Like one of those 2 sink, tons of cabinet space, vanity's with a mirror that covered the whole wall above it. I LOVED that bathroom.

At any rate.

When I'd get upset, like really in-the-floor-crying upset, I'd climb onto my vanity, stare into my eyes, and watch the tears fall. For some reason, I couldn't help it. I've never been a vain person. Ever. People comment on my looks all the time, and I pay it no mind. But to see myself in such a state of disrepair... I don't know. It didn't comfort me. But... It's one of the most vivid memories I have.

But I do know that I used to think that I deserved whatever had made me so upset. Whether it was watching my brother get beat, or getting cussed out, or being treated like I was worthless. The list goes on. Abuse was one of the few things I truly understood. Unfortunately, I understood it wrong.

Like many other abused and mistreated kids, I grew up thinking that I really was worthless. That I really couldn't do anything right. That everything that went wrong in my life, was my fault. And I carried these things into my teenage years.

At 17 years old, I am just now learning that most of the things that go horribly wrong in my life, aren't my fault.

I used to beat myself up every time my relationship with a guy went wrong. I used to spend days and nights that lead to weeks then months, agonizing and beating myself up, and picking myself over trying to figure out what I did wrong.

But today I realized. It's not my fault. I'm dealing with an ex right now. One that comes up to me in the halls just to cuss me out. Who threatens to beat me up for no reason. Who almost came into the girls bathroom Friday cussing me out, flipping me off, saying horrible things to me.

And I've reached my breaking point. And I have realized that I DON'T deserve to be treated like I'm worthless, because I'm NOT worthless. I am an amazing individual who is going somewhere great in life. And that I shouldn't let ANYONE beat me down and walk all over me.

So this is me putting my foot down, and saying NO!


Tomorrow, it ends.

Praying for strength. This will be one of the hardest things I've ever done.

*Till Next Time